I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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