Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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