you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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