the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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