East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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