I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
