you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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