Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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