She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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