He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize