At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
