I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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