I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
