turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
