I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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