At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
