Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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