Yo dont text me then not text me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
