"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
