you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
