i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
