Will you blow on my dice?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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