Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize