oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
