i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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