He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
