we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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