Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
