So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
