Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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