You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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