did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
