GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
