If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
