I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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