I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
