Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
