i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
