When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
