I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
