Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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