my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
