can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
