very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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