That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
