U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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