Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
