You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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