No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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