I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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