I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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