i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
