She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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