if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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