Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
