Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Alive.
So much puke
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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