Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
