i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i dont even know how to be here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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