whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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