Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
