If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bring money and cleavage
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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