There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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