go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
