ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize