morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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