Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize