Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

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(805): View more from California

a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

(818): View more from California

god is laughing at you again

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(903): View more from Texas

He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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(909): View more from California

We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.

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(847): View more from Illinois

being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."

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(347): View more from New York

Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then

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(706): View more from Georgia

I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again

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